We’ve been home a month already!  It feels like Shaohannah has always been a part of our family.  And maybe she always has been, in our hearts.  It has really struck me lately, how God has crafted this wonderful plan for us if we would just listen and obey.  When I think back to how 2 years ago adoption wasn’t even in our vocabulary and then to today and how it has impacted our lives and those around us; it is nothing short of miraculous.  I’d like to share with you some of my reflections from the past year and a half.  (Sorry, it got kind of long.   Once I started writing, I couldn't stop.)

 

Throughout the whole process there has been such a wide range of emotions.  There was the uncertainty; was God REALLY calling US to do this, could we really do this (the paperwork), would the finances be there, could we really love another child not born of us (YES!)?   

 

            

There was the feeling of learning to be patient.  Trudging through the paperwork to get to DTC, waiting for LID, waiting for the referral call, then what felt like the longest wait, the wait from when we saw her precious face until we could actually hold her.  With each one of these waits, God was preparing us.  He was preparing our hearts for the miracle that was about to unfold.  Even how our guides handled us, pointed me toward God.  They would only give us the information we needed for the next 24 hours.  At first it was frustrating being told only on a need to know basis, but then there was a relief in knowing that someone else knew the plan.  They would tell us what we needed to know when we needed to know it.  They knew the plan and knew how it was going to go.  Isn’t that how God is?  We get so caught up in wanting to know the whole plan that we miss the joys of day to day life.  What’s next, what’s tomorrow hold?  God has a plan for us.  If we trust Him, He will unveil it to us as we need to know. 

                                                                                   

There were the joys of being DTC, LID, getting the referral call, getting the call that said you’re going to China…  I can remember so clearly how I shook when we got the call saying there was a little girl they wanted to know if we would consider.  I was laughing and crying and babbling and blubbering.  Poor Troy couldn’t understand what I was saying and thought someone had gotten hurt (we weren’t expecting the call!).  The most joyous of joys was when they walked in and they handed Shaohannah to me.  I cannot come close to expressing the emotions that filled me that day and that continue to well up and overflow in my heart (and eyes) ever time I think about it.  As Troy has said, it feels like you’re in the delivery room.  It was such a rush.  I wish I could put the love I felt for her from the first moment I laid eyes on her into words here, but there are no words that would even adequately describe it.  There was also a joy of becoming friends with a wonderful group of women on AWAA Waiting Child Yahoo Group.  There I met some of the most prayerful and godly women.  God used each of us to support and encourage each other.  Our group was there when one would fall, to lift her back up again, take her hand, and walk with her.  For me, God used that group to show me my need to allow others to pray for me, that I didn’t have to go it alone.  That is one lesson I have learned.  Even letting our church family in on the process to pray for us throughout the process and journey was such an amazing feeling.  Looking back, how could I have not wanted that?  It is so powerful and humbling to know that so many people are praying for you. 

 

I also experience sadness along the way.  A sadness with the frustrations of a system that was taking too long (in my opinion), with the system that allowed these children to be in this situation.  Even Connor could see the rock and the hard place.  It's illegal for many to have a second child, it's illegal for them to have an abortion, and it's illegal for them to abandon their child.  There was also the sadness knowing that while I celebrated our referral and travel approval and travel preparations, I had friends who were still waiting and aching to get their referral or to get travel approval.  Even the day we were leaving China , mixed in with the great joy of bringing our daughter home, was a sense of sadness over taking her out of her birth country, a country so rich in culture, history, and beauty.  There was a sadness in knowing that somewhere in China is a mother and father, her birthparents, without the child they conceived and gave birth to.   I pray that God fills her heart with peace, that they will know in their hearts that Shaoey is safe, that we love Shaoey as our own, and that we will never forget the gift that they gave us, our precious daughter.  We do this because we believe she will have a better life here in our family; but we don't fool ourselves, this is still a great loss to her, one that she will feel for the rest of her life.  The best we can do is love her; listen to her; guide and help her; and most importantly, point her to the One who knows her better than anyone here on Earth, the One who can give her peace and comfort.  There is an immeasurable sadness over the staggering numbers of children who are still waiting for families to love them.  Oh, to find them all loving homes, as Steven Curtis Chapman's song says, "shoulders to cry on when I lose, shoulders to ride on when I win."  To think of how many of these children will never know the unconditional love of a mother and father, someone to hold them when they're sick, someone to tell their secrets and dreams to, someone to snuggle with on a cold, rainy day, or to run to in the night after a nightmare, someone to show them the love of God...

 

 

But eventually even these feelings of impatience, frustration, and sadness led me back to joy, the pure joy of knowing that our loving Father was in control.  To think that as much as I was hurting or celebrating, so was our Father.  I think that in our adopting Shaoey, He allowed me to glimse a small part of His hurting over His children that are without a family to love them.  I think it shows us how He feels about all His children who are not a part of His family, who have not chosen to be adopted by Him and become His sons and daughters.  However, He also allows us to celebrate with Him when one of these little ones finally has a family to call their own.  How He must celebrate every time one of us is adopted into His family!  I always thought it was great when someone said they had accepted Jesus, but looking back I think it was on a somewhat superficial level.  But now...to know the love that I feel for our daughter who is adopted,  to know that she is my daughter, and that I love her no different than my sons who came from my womb, that this is how God feels about us.

 

This journey has been so much more than one of just bringing Shaoey home.  God has given me a chance to truly experience the heartache and joy that He experiences.  Our bringing Shaoey into our family has been such a wonderful parallel to what God does for us, bringing us into His family to love us, care for us, and live life with us.  God is so faithful.  Whatever He calls us to do, He will give us the grace and strength to go through.  Whereever God may be leading you, trust Him, obey Him.  He has an amazing plan for your life !

 

In Christ,

Charlene